The second rejection is more so of a “saying no- to say yes to something else” but at the same time I feel like I was denying myself of something that could be sooo good and beautiful in my life.
I have been in a good place for a while now, and lately I’ve allowed myself the joy of sharing my gifts and light with people, but in doing so I didn’t realize that I was neglecting a deeper part of myself that really needed to be expressed and released. As I took a step forward to being open to receive what life has to offer I found myself falling 10 steps back because I was trying to push myself prematurely into something I should have given myself the time and space for. Being patient with your process is so important. Letting the catharsis flow through is both needed and painful but also sooo Tiring.
There is only so much one can take. And I thought I can handle it all. My yearning to release a lot of bottled up feelings and reassurance that I can and will overcome anything. That washed over me, when I let out a big truth. I wasn’t ready. If I was I wouldn’t feel anything but joy and gratitude. Which I was a bit of everything but that. Sure there is the gratitude that all is well and the life lessons learned were still valuable. The growing pains of it all and the unfolding is daunting to face, but it doesn’t come easy.
Most especially when you are reminded to just keep going, life waits for no one. Yet that sentiment can seem heartless, like the space to be free to express has now expired and turned into a showdown of who can handle life’s woes the most.
Look at my life, take a good inventory of yours. It’s all in the mind. I could just as easily - maybe -push away the harsh truth that I so long to disappear from, but it chases me down like a moth to the light. I am still in the process of healing. Allow for space, grace and patience. Allow for mistakes, tired eyes, puffy cheeks, stuffy noses, broken pieces, and hard conversations.
Most especially with yourself. Go so inward that social media has no place to run amuck in your already pandemonium-stricken- heartaching- inside-out- cacophony that just wants to be set free,
Let’s that force guide you to create something so disgusting and dreary into something so precious and pretty.
Despite despair and delusions.
Transmute that force into something undeniable. Something that begs the question- why? How?
Who are you?
What did you do with the old you?